Looking for a job is a painful, humiliating experience akin to some kind of Hunger Game or Maze Run. Will you make it out alive? Maybe.
(Photo Credit: Pinterest)
1. Online Application Forms (After You’ve Already Uploaded Your Resume).
Why? WHY do I need to sit here and copy and paste my last 20 jobs (with required salary history), my colleges, high school, last five addresses, my preschool babysitter, and my least favorite green vegetables into your system? Especially when you require me to upload my resume beforehand, why aren’t you able to track all this stuff yourself?
2. How Much Can You Fudge That Resume Experience?
Sure, you’re pretty sure you’re perfect for the job, but what are their “must-haves” vs. “want-to-haves”? Someone with 10 years of experience doing the exact job they’re hiring for? Probably not going to find that person except in their dreams.
3. Can You Do Some Spec Work?
This hilarious video shined the light on something that most writers and designers already know: being asked to do free “sample” work is the worst. Think you want to hire us? Just hire us!
4. Get Your Courage Up for That Interview
Put on your game face, get those shoes polished. It’s time to shine! Or something. What are we even supposed to wear these days?
5. Nobody Can Tell You How to Definitely Get the Job
The job search is full of unknowns. Can you get past the robots? Will you get that phone call from HR? When you’re interviewing, should you wear a suit or slacks? What will it take to close the deal? There are a lot of questions, and no perfect answers. Makes you feel like you’re just tilting at windmills most days.
6. Interview Two-Step
You can learn a dozen tips for making a good impression, but the mating dance of the interviewer and interviewee is a close-held secret. As a woman, should I act more “manly” to get this job? Should you defer to the interviewer’s opinion to reassure their ego? Should we always be beeping? This gif has it right:
7. Those “Tell Us Something About Yourself” Interview Questions
What does my ability to tap dance to “Smooth Criminal” have to do with getting hired? A lot, apparently. They always say to have one of these “surprise us” tidbits in your back pocket, but all I can ever think of are definite “overshares” like “I’m sweating through my shirt right now.”
8. Do the Dance, Still Don’t Know if You’re Getting Hired
You get through the resume, first-, second-, and third-round interviews, send your thank-you notes, and still have no idea where you stand in the eyes of the judges, er, hiring committee. Best you can do is take a bow and leave on a high note.
(Credits: Giphy, Imgur, Giphy, Giphy, The Odyssey Online, Tumblr, Tumblr, Ploymint)
Tell Us What You Think
What’s the worst part of looking for a job? We want to hear from you! Leave a comment or join the discussion on Twitter.
Great !!! Pictured myself in almost all of situations.
All too true it’s sad to say. I never understood the whole filling out an application time waster. Isn’t that what a resume is for?? It’s only because the robots can’t think outside of the box. I learned a long time ago to make sure I am never in a position to be a stooge to any HR (don’t get me started. There is no human in human resources) or to any corporate idiot. I have made my financial situation… Read more »
All too true it’s sad to say. I never understood the whole filling out an application time waster. Isn’t that what a resume is for?? It’s only because the robots can’t think outside of the box. I learned a long time ago to make sure I am never in a position to be a stooge to any HR (don’t get me started. There is no human in human resources) or to any corporate idiot. I have made my financial situation… Read more »
The worst part of having interviewed for a position is being told afterwards, “It was a tough decision between yourself and another candidate but we went for the more junior person with less experience”.
And then there is the interviewer who does all the talking during the interview. Doesn’t ask questions to find out who you are or what you can do for the company. Although I have actually been hired after an interview like that, I would say if an interviewer is doing all the talking, that’s a big negative. Unfortunately, there is no science to applying for a job, getting the interview, the interview and an offer. All of the above comments… Read more »
This article is spot on! Looking for a job is the most frustrating, nerve racking, humiliating, discouraging activity. I would rather clean toilets than do this. What makes it worse it that you have to do this, becuase you have to have a job in order to get money to live. In so many cases you know that you can do the job but just can’t seem to convince THEM. Because of all of the rejection you begin to doubt… Read more »
Thank you for this article! It was very entertaining! Being laid off after 26 years and being out of the “game” for so long, everything I read was spot on!
Hi there, thought you might enjoy the ‘monkey’ in this post ;-)…. xo Judith
Wow! First of all, I really liked the post – very creative. As to all that responded, no offense intended, you all are conducting your “job search” the same way Americans did 100 years ago. The only difference is that you’re awaiting a job posting on some job site versus the Sunday newspaper. Realize that third-party recruiters place less than 5% of all positions and that no one in Human Resources can hire you unless you’re entry-level in retail, or… Read more »
So looking in from the other side. What is the right etiquette? You’ve interview a few candidates, some did not impress you but a couple did. You have your preferred candidate, but would just as easily go with candidate #2. You tell the other, thanks but sorry. You draw up offer to candidate #1, you get it signed (1 week later) you manage to get the offer to candidate #1. He/she takes their time and starts negotiating details. In the… Read more »
Identified with all of these points and found great humor in them (a good sign I guess) I agree with Georgetown, unfortunately times have changed. I have a 15-18% response rate from online applications that give you the heads up that you are not in contention. As weird as it may sound, I am actually happy to receive the communication as it restores my faith in humanity! In past I had rated a potential employer on how I am treated… Read more »
I love reading the online job postings. They want someone with an MBA, 5 technical certifications, 10 years of experience in three different areas of expertise to manage a team. Then, their HR dept. or the recruiter calls to tell you the job only pays 50K per year. How do you even know what to apply for any more? I just read a job posting for a Program Manager / Vice President position. Who in their right mind would write… Read more »
to Smooshiest, While we’re always told to reach out to interviewers to find out what we could do better in our presentation and to ask what shortcomings are perceived, it’s rare if ever that you’ll ever get an answer for a couple reasons: a) it puts them on the spot. and since they’re essentially “in control” they can and do refuse to be put in that situation. b) the HR and legal folks cringe if reasons for exclusion are volunteered,… Read more »
The worst for me is being told they are very interested and will present my candidicy to their bosses and will get back to me in a few days to a week max., then still sitting without any sign for going on 4 weeks now…have some respect for the candidates looking to better their lives and their families! Cmon man!
I recently went through an experience that up until the end was very positive. The choice for them came down to me and another candidate. We were both flown to their headquarters for day-long behavioral interviews. I was mostly okay with the process, but some of the questions had nothing to do with what the job entailed, nor did they provide a good look at me as a candidate. This is where it all unraveled. I was told that there… Read more »
Been in the job search now 6 months and feeling pretty weary. This post has been the BEST thing I’ve read in the myriad “how to get a job” posts! I laughed through the whole thing. Every point is spot on, and it just kept getting funnier with every point because it’s all true. Bravo for helping me see the humor in this, because most days it def is not funny or fun.
Or they leave you hanging on when you are entertaining several offers. They tell you they will call early next week but do not call till the end of the next week at the last minute to say you didn’t make it. Other companies have you hanging on for several weeks. When you are sifting thru hundreds of jobs a day and applying for 20 and rarely get an interview it is hard.
The Worth part of looking for a job is: Not realizing that you CAN create your own job and stop waist int your time and be productive to your well being and to others and everything. Creativity is your goal! And the answer to find a JOB!
Thank our Lord Jesus every day, for He doted you of this means for your salvation while in here..??
The worst part of having interviewed for a position at any company is for the HR development not having the decency of either calling or sending an email thanking you for your time and letting you you know that they have chosen to move on without you. It is plain rude.