Bullying: it’s not just for schoolyards anymore. Bullying is simply the act of humiliating and causing harm, sometimes physical, to other people. Unfortunately, bullying behavior is highly durable because bullies often get what they want. In other words, bullying works for the bully. Passive-aggressive behavior may deflate your bully’s bubble.
(Photo Credit: kevin dooley/Flickr)
If your boss is a bully, understanding some basics about the psychology behind bullying will help you fight back in appropriate ways and protect yourself.
Workplace Bullying
Schoolyard bullies and workplace bullies seem to pick their targets, or victims, for different reasons. While analyzing this, don’t ever blame a victim — really. While bullies do pick out their victims, this does not make it the victim’s fault.
Many experts believe that in childhood, bullies pick out victims with fewer friends or social skills. They want victims who are less able to defend themselves. In the workplace, however, the opposite is true. Skilled workers and independent workers are bullied by those who feel threatened by the capabilities of the target victim. And if your boss is a bully who is threatened by you, this may cause you serious problems.
Respond to Workplace Bullying Wisely
As much as you might like to tell your boss exactly what you think of him — don’t. Cool down and come up with a plan that won’t make you look bad. And you likely do need to do something, because quietly taking the abuse and just doing your job also allows the bullying to continue. If your boss’ bullying behavior bothers you and you want it to stop, you need to do something.
Recent research indicates that quiet retaliation may reduce your own psychological stress. This is where the passive-aggression comes into play. Experts at the Counseling Directiory explain that passive-aggression is non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior. It usually happens when a person is angry with someone else (for example, your boss) but cannot tell them.
Of course, if you are able to confront your boss about his behavior in an appropriate manner, this may be your best option. Sometimes, however, directly confronting a bullying boss may make the situation worse. According to the recently published paper, little ways of fighting back and keeping your sanity include:
- Feigning ignorance when faced with hostile criticism. Instead of engaging with a boss by trying to calm him down explain yourself, remain calm, maybe shrug your shoulders and don’t carry the burden of his emotionally toxic antics.
- Doing work for him in a half-hearted manner. I doubt this means not doing work well, because if you turn in shoddy work, it reflects on you. However, you can do stellar work and not indicate that you enjoyed doing it for him.
- Flat out ignoring a toxic boss. This is not the quiet ignoring that many bullied folks attempt and end up getting bullied repeatedly. This seems to be more along the lines of not bothering to acknowledge him any time it is not absolutely necessary to do so.
For the record, the studies didn’t show how much bullying bosses noticed the quiet resistance. But the research did demonstrate that the workers were much happier when they did not just sit back and take the abuse. Therefore, quiet retaliation seems to be a valid response, especially if you are in a situation in which direct confrontation does not feel like a viable option.
Tell Us What You Think
Do you deal with a workplace bully? Leave a comment or join the discussion on Twitter.
My bully boss is an HR Manager. I just imagine former employees coming to hunt him down (he’s afraid of that) and escorting them to his office:) Or if he wants something, it may take longer than it should…not everything though because he might catch on. I also make sure to tell people that are looking for him that he hasn’t said where he was going (it’s beneath him to inform us), so they know he’s missing. Or i share… Read more »
I am trying the “kill them with kindness” approach. My bully is my ex-manager. When I see him, I smile all the bigger and make sure to wish him the very best of days, or compliment his shirt. But I also avoid ever being alone near him if at all possible. I know he likes psychological games and I turn his 2 sided comments into compliments and go talk to my friends. Bully’s like secrecy. Thanks this ain’t my first… Read more »
I found this article a little one sided and your recommendations a great way to get an employee fired.
And what to do with the Bully Boss who is themselves passive aggressive? Of course ignoring your boss is viewed by higher ups as arrogance and insubordination. And, doing your work in a half-hearted way will give you a negative far more dangerous than the bully — a poor performance review. Thanks for informing us about the research. I’m really looking forward to reading it.