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3 Finance Tips From The Undead


Ever notice how vampires, in monster lore, are wealthy, cunning and hold positions of power while their undead cousins, zombies, wander around aimlessly with no achievements to speak of? has a few lessons to impart to the walking dead from the more fiscally savvy Transylvanian bloodsuckers.

(Photo credit: outcast104 / Flickr)

“If the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention can come up with a zombie preparedness kit to drive attention to real emergency situations, a zombie financial 101 might as well be in order,” the article reads. Here’s a sample of half the tips presented there, in no particular order.

1. Come up with a plan. Obviously.

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You’ve seen them in Walking Dead attacking a small band of humans. Zombies have no apparent will for self-preservation. They lack a plan, so they fail. Bill Compton on True Blood, on the other hand, realize the resilience of the human race. So they learn to co-exist, feasting on bloodshed only occasionally and usually discreetly.

Consider your money in the same light. Fail to plan a financial future and you plan to fail. Consider the risk before investing, unlike our zombie risk-averse zombie friends. Figure out historically winnable stocks before taking the plunge. In other terms, consider how much you can realistically afford on a mortgage. What credit benchmark can you reach? You get the idea.

2. Diversify. Or else …

Zombies have a fixation on gobbling up human brains. Do they need it to survive? Maybe not. Maybe it’s time for them to sample another delicacy, see if they can ensure their own survival instead of depending on a single limited resource. Seriously, though, look at Edward’s family in the Twilight series: A group of vampires who figured out that they can exist A-OK on animal blood, even if it’s less tasty.

Applied the idea to money matters, writer Robin Renford advises.

“Create wealth across various investment channels and you’re more shielded from anticipated events like inflation and recessions; and unexpected outcomes like housing crashes and bubble bursts,” she writes.

3. Make yourself more useful.

Vampires have historically been considered upper-class citizens, educated, sophisticated and masters of social grace. Zombies … uh, not so much. 

Don’t get stuck in an intellectual zombieland. Educate yourself. Learn a new skill. Get certified in something. Make yourself a better asset to the workforce and you’re more likely to get better compensated. 


In fact, for an idea of how much you should make based on your education level, check our our compensation calculator right here.

And for the rest of those undead tips, check out the original article here.

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What other lessons can we learn from the undead? We want to hear from you! Leave a comment or join the discussion on Twitter.

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